I think I am morally bankrupt
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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