no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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