Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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