I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love you. Go after that dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
