This house was built for laser tag.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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