your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
