turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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