Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
