lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
