The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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