I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
