If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
