Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
