That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
