have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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