Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's shark week go big or go home
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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