I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
