She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
