If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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