he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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