dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
