The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
