What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
