idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
