I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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