Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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