I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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