he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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