I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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