Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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