When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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