I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
