She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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