Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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