I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
