I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
