I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
nutella sex= disaster
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
