i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
