Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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