She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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