blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
