My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
