Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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