I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
