my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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