Im at strip club and am horny
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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