No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
