Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I forget how to act sober
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
