your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize