the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
