Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
