I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
