I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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