Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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