i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
