What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
