It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
