im drinking this country out of the recession.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do vagina's smell?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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