I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
