Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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