even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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