i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
