Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
