I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
